so friday, i got pretty pissed drunk. less drunk than that embarrassing night at lantern (not going into details), but more drunk than what i would allow myself to be. having only 4 hours of sleep the night before, i reached home after too much wine at robertson, sat down on my bed and the next thing i knew, it was 5am in the morning. i bolted up and started freaking out because i forgot to remove my make-up. i have committed the cardinal sin of sleeping with my make-up on, but strangely, my skin looked fine. a tiny pimple i had before even disappeared.

my week had been super busy and somewhat fruitful. i kinda got myself a housemate. kinda, because we havent got a place to stay yet. most of my friends advised be to stuff myself silly with as much local food as possible because there is only so much kebab you can eat and beans on toast is not a meal. /:

i think i will miss laksa and popiah the most.

choose your llama.

a bit of a long shot, but does anyone have/know of people renting out rooms around notting hill/kensington/east london area? looking to rent for min 6 months. preferably non-smoking housemates, or at least no smoking in the house. pets are okay. comfortable with international housemates. females preferred. please drop me an email with pictures, thanks!! (:

one hell of a saturday night.

ive been told, sometimes people just need to find their own reasons to hate you because they cant deal with their own feelings. such a shame.

oh, terry..

and even if this heart collapses, i know i can stand by you.
always my pillar of trust.

this entire week has been insane. in fact, this entire month has been the craziest month ive ever had. all these moving paperwork, accommodation, to-do lists, to-meet lists, work and love have been killing me. im terrible at multi-tasking, even worse at juggling. ive been constantly trying to pull my life together but somehow, something just has to fuck up. well, not something, most things are fucked up right now, for example, my accommodation. anyone needs a housemate? someone who doesnt mind trying all the food that i am going to attempt to cook, will be great.

today was kind of slow moving because i zoned out a lot after a presumably good friend of mine gave me a slap in the face. not literally, but the words used could possibly be worse than a slap. i dont usually give two hoots about all the he said she said but this time, no. words mean a lot to me especially from people who matter. i always try to bite my tongue and think twice before saying anything, especially in the heat of anger because i dont want to regret anything after. similarly, i dont appreciate people blowing their top at me. i thought i was short tempered but today i felt like the calmest person. also, i hate instant messaging because you cannot convey feelings across, emotions get left behind and people assume. assumptions destroy.

because of the twist of events, i ended up stuffing my face with tofu salad with my colleagues for dinner instead of being at some pre-party for echelon 2011 where i probably wont know anyone or anything that was going on. i met shin again and at that point of time i felt this urge to ask him to do my tarot reading. i know i shouldnt, plus i dont even believe in things like that. i scoff at astrology and find them ridiculous. but recently i just felt like i needed to know what i should do. however ridiculous it is.

sometimes, i think that only a handful of people really know me. off hand, i can count about 3 definite ones. none of the 3 were my ex lovers, sadly. ive been told that im flaky, practical, cold, and today, a new one, fair-weathered. well, eventually i still come back to knowing that i dont need to prove anything to anyone. i just wish people would stop pretending like they know me. people form impressions of each other the first few times they meet and chances are, that perception is never gonna change. despite how close you are, that perception is buried together with all the new memories you create together. and in the end, its gonna veer its head out and go, "i told you so."

as september nears, i find myself withdrawing from everyone closest to me. what if i cannot deal with goodbyes? im scared. and im also a coward. the further i go means the less it will hurt. right? all of them who matter the most, place their hopes for me at the highest peak. what if im not who they think i am? so i tell myself, there cannot be any "what if-s". i will be back, golden. i promise.