this entire week has been insane. in fact, this entire month has been the craziest month ive ever had. all these moving paperwork, accommodation, to-do lists, to-meet lists, work and love have been killing me. im terrible at multi-tasking, even worse at juggling. ive been constantly trying to pull my life together but somehow, something just has to fuck up. well, not something, most things are fucked up right now, for example, my accommodation. anyone needs a housemate? someone who doesnt mind trying all the food that i am going to attempt to cook, will be great.
today was kind of slow moving because i zoned out a lot after a presumably good friend of mine gave me a slap in the face. not literally, but the words used could possibly be worse than a slap. i dont usually give two hoots about all the he said she said but this time, no. words mean a lot to me especially from people who matter. i always try to bite my tongue and think twice before saying anything, especially in the heat of anger because i dont want to regret anything after. similarly, i dont appreciate people blowing their top at me. i thought i was short tempered but today i felt like the calmest person. also, i hate instant messaging because you cannot convey feelings across, emotions get left behind and people assume. assumptions destroy.
because of the twist of events, i ended up stuffing my face with tofu salad with my colleagues for dinner instead of being at some pre-party for echelon 2011 where i probably wont know anyone or anything that was going on. i met shin again and at that point of time i felt this urge to ask him to do my tarot reading. i know i shouldnt, plus i dont even believe in things like that. i scoff at astrology and find them ridiculous. but recently i just felt like i needed to know what i should do. however ridiculous it is.
sometimes, i think that only a handful of people really know me. off hand, i can count about 3 definite ones. none of the 3 were my ex lovers, sadly. ive been told that im flaky, practical, cold, and today, a new one, fair-weathered. well, eventually i still come back to knowing that i dont need to prove anything to anyone. i just wish people would stop pretending like they know me. people form impressions of each other the first few times they meet and chances are, that perception is never gonna change. despite how close you are, that perception is buried together with all the new memories you create together. and in the end, its gonna veer its head out and go, "i told you so."
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